Dancing Through The Storm : How To Allow Yourself To Lose Your Shit During Difficult Times. A Short Guide.

Education is the most powerful weaponwhich you can use to change the world. (2).jpg
Education is the most powerful weaponwhich you can use to change the world. (2).jpg

Dancing Through The Storm : How To Allow Yourself To Lose Your Shit During Difficult Times. A Short Guide.


How to allow yourself to lose your shit during difficult times and actually come out better than you would have if you had just pretended to be okay the whole time. A short guide.


The Introduction


I feel like a broken record.  I have felt like one for the last year. Some stories bare repeating until they are heard enough that they can rest peacefully I suppose. In 2016 I lost my Father. Even though my Dad and I didn’t have the best relationship nor was he ever in my life consistently I am a huge Daddy’s girl. Like Hilary Banks from Fresh Prince of Bel Air kind of Daddy’s Girl. I wish my Dad had been able to provide for me in that way but life happens and shit gets complicated.


I was talking to an old friend of mine recently and I shared with him that I feel like my Father is doing more for me now as an ancestor than he could have in the physical realm. I walk a little taller and a little harder knowing that I have this warrior trifecta quite honestly standing guard over me. My Father, My Brother and My Grandfather.  For this I am grateful. When I lost my dad I lost my shit. I wore the same dress for about a month roughly. My partner at that time was kind enough to take it off me and wash it when all I could do was lay in bed.  I proceeded to cut that dress off of me during a performance later that year.  I wasn’t the same after he passed. I think he took a piece of me with him or maybe his death stripped away apart of my inhibitions that I’d been clinging to deeply.


Six months later I was hit with another mack truck when my relationship to the woman I I was about to marry ended. Well ended in the sense that she packed her things one night while I was out with friends. When I realized maybe 24 hours later that all her stuff was gone : I cried naked in the middle of my floor. I texted my best friend all the fucked up shit I’d been hiding about our relationship so I had a witness and accountability partner not to go backwards.  I punched a hole through my wall. Immediately regretted punching said hole in wall. I called my sister to sit with me as I had the locks on our home changed.  I woke up the next day and decided that I was not going to die in my disappointment.  


I’ve been on a little journey since that relationship ended. I one realized it was a necessary death because the weight of the relationship was slowly taking me out. I had been numb for awhile in this area of my life and it was spilling over.  I allowed myself to be a mess. I allowed myself to be angry, to say what the fuck I wanted to say. I allowed myself to own what I wanted and needed without apologizing. Well sometimes I apologized out of habit but I caught myself. I gave myself grace. I stopped trying to have it all together. I called myself out. I called other people out.  I stopped trying to get the lessons immediately and just focused on bringing pleasure into my experience because my spirit was tired.  I allowed myself to dance in the midst of this storm. In fact this entire past year I allowed myself to dance in my storm. Some days my dancing was real true dancing at the lakefront with the drummers who were close to my Dad. Some days my dancing looked like being in bed for days. Some days it looked like going on date. Some days it was pulling over to the side of road listening to Beyonce’s Sandcastle on repeat and weeping. Some days my dancing looked like looking back at old photos.  Now my days look like believing in myself a little more than ever before.  Now my days look like opening up to new love in a new way than I ever thought I would experience.  Now my days look like seeing my Father through a lens I didn’t have when he was alive.  Now my days look like forgiving my ex and forgiving myself for the pain I caused her as well.  


How to get the most out of this guide….


Do what I just did. Be honest with yourself.  


Be truthful about where you are right now and just let it be.


You’re not broken. You don’t need to be fixed.  You got this.


Read the stories and lessons. Put it down when it’s too much. Re-read it when you’re confused or uncertain.


Make it what you need.  


I hope this resonates with you.


I’d love to hear your thoughts afterwards. Email me info@rashidak.com


With love,


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