Today's Message: Have You Lost Your Sexy?
Have you ever had the feeling like you were the furthest thing away from being sexy? Like you weren't feeling your body, your hair, your skin felt dry, your clothes felt out of style and your sex drive (let's not even talk about that) right? And then you see a woman that is really slaying the whole game and it reminds you of something about yourself that seems super far off in the distance?
I know I have felt this way many times. I've felt this way so many times it's not even funny. At one point I even felt weird that I was feeling unsexy because my whole business is built around women being empowered, confident and feeling sexy. I think this was just another layer of wisdom that God/Universe was trying to usher me into. Life get's fucking hard,yo. And if we aren't prepared it can just kick our asses relentlessly until we surrender or tap out to living numb/dull life.
It was when I loss my Father this year after a near five year battle with Kidney Failure + Diabetes that I got this message. I've talked about my relationship with my Dad for many years here in my work. I've shared that he and I didn't have the best relationship especially when it came to me owning my sexuality + orientation as a Queer woman and him being a devote Muslim. It was hard, it was heartbreaking and though we tried to work through our differences it created a lot of tension. When I received the news of his death I checked out. I felt like I'd been hit by a 18 wheel truck. Every day for the next several weeks I felt that same pain. When I attended my friend's wedding and watched her dance with her Dad I felt that pain. When I heard this man in the gas station with his voice I felt that pain. My body, psyche and spirit have just been taking a brutal beating this year and there really wasn't much I could do about it.
This has been a sort of initiation or rites of passage process that I don't think anyone ever wants to deal with. It forced me to woman up in many ways and it forced me to face the things about my life and lifestyle that really needed to change. I remember saying to my Boifriend before the funeral that I understood exactly how people became alcoholics and drug addicts - it's an attempt to numb and avoid. All I wanted to do was drink. All I wanted to do was not feel that 18 wheel truck knocking me down day after day. I just wanted not to feel anymore. I thought that I might be able to get more done or just move on with life because I was tired of hurting. I fought the other opposition for a long time and tried to numb.
What was the other option? It was surrendering
The definition of surrender is to cease resistance.
I realized by fighting looking at my pain about my Dad's death I created more emotional chaos within myself. When I tried to just bounce back and carry on with life I put more and more pressure on my heart (literally and figuratively). There were days where I felt like my head and chest were about to explode. Those days my blood pressure was literally through the roof.
When I surrendered so did the pressure.
When I let myself cry. The pressure eased up.
When I let myself pull over and scream and scream and yell in my car. The pressure eased up.
When I let myself not have it all together. The pressure eased up.
When I let myself zone out. The pressure eased up.
When I let myself miss him. The pressure eased up.
When I let myself remember the moments good + bad. The pressure eased up.
I stop holding it all in .I stopped trying to stand in the middle of the current and just let it all flow.
Sexiness within Western culture has been sold to us as always looking good, always being "on", always having the right outfit, always feeling happy, always being ready for sex, always being on our "A" game and that's just not realistic.
Our sexy is more than our physical appearance. Sexy is a state of walking the path of being open to joy, vibrancy and love. And I realized something that I really had only lightly touched on before in my work.
Grieving is part of Reclaiming Our Sexy.
When are open during the hard parts not just the good parts of life that's when we find even more room, even more grace, even more power within ourselves. It's tapping into that power that really puts us in our zone of irresistibility. This is where we know that we can handle anything that life throws us. This is where we find confidence that has depth and weight to it. This is where we find that unshakable ground within us that moves mountains.
Life happens. And the more we resist it, the more it will kick our asses.
I used this example because many women come to me with situations that feel impossible.
You don't have enough time for yourself between work and the kids.
Someone cheated on you and destroyed your trust in the relationship and quite honestly love.
You didn't get the job or client that you were hoping to get.
You haven't been able to lose the post delivery baby body weight.
You and your partner haven't had sex in what feels like forever.
_____________ (insert your circumstance here)
I know it fucking sucks. I know it feels ridiculous. I know it feels like nothing is ever going to change.
And I'm not going to sit here and give you surface affirmations to get you avoiding looking at your life with real eyes. It takes maneuvering and jumping and twisting and falling prostrate in prayer and crying on the phone in the bathroom at hospital with friends praying on the other line and so much to figure out what's right for our lives.
But the through line is that we have to know how to tap into our power and our will to fight for our lives. To fight for our joy, To fight for our love. To fight for our vision of success. We have to have the know how.
That's this process that I am teaching in our Reclaiming Your Sexy class. It's the how of coming back to life. It's the how of courageous coming out of the numbness so that you can find your strength and bad-ass warrior, Goddess self in life all over again.
She hasn't died. That energy is not isolated to "other people". It's in you. Right now. It's just a matter of reconnecting.
I want to invite you to experience the Reclaiming Your Sexy workshop. This class combines sensual dance + practical life coaching tools to help you step back into that woman that knows her strength, her beauty and her power in this world. It's not just a sexy dance class. It's so much more. I want every woman that leaves this workshop experience to have the tools to integrate that same feeling of vibrancy and ecstasy into her day to day life. Even if your journey stops at the workshop you will become apart of a community, a sisterhood for a lifetime that will encourage and support you in Reclaiming that part of yourself.
As I mentioned at the beginning of the email there are three upcoming workshop dates. These workshops are designed to give you a look inside the full Reclaiming Your Sexy process. The workshops are happening !2/17, 01/14 and 02/05.
Tickets are on sale now.
I would love to have you join me for this experience.
Check out the details + sign up here
Now for those of you who want to deep dive into a more thorough, intimate experience I will be releasing the details soon for our six week RECLAIMED series live in Chicago. Sign up here to receive more details when they are released in the coming weeks. You'll also get special access to early early bird discount + bonuses as well. Join the waitlist here